Mostly I am being forced to sort through piles of clothes I don't fit into and old cords and computer junk that my tech hoarder inclinations previously prevented me from throwing away (I found a ZIP drive which I am pretty sure no one used even when it was remotely cutting edge).
However, I did uncover a wonderful treasure trove in the form of a box of high school writing assignments and various other memorabilia. In the interest of promoting child literacy, I will be painstakingly retyping and uploading choice samples from this for your amusement whenever I can be bothered to.
Also in the box were the paper plate awards I received after my church production of Jekyll and Hyde (in which I played the Right Honorable Sir Archibald Proops - *SPOILERS* he gets murdered by David Hasselhoff). For those of you not familiar with this venerable thespian/sporting tradition, these are awards given typically by the older members of a group to the rest of the cast/team.
It is a very serious and solemn occasion, and as a graduating actor, I had the privilege of both attending the creation ceremony, and receiving the following accolades:
- The 'X(' Award: In honor of my character's fate, tastefully displays a dead stick figure in a pool of blood.
- The 'So Good in Your Scenes (Is it Method Acting)' Award: In honor of the convincingly effeminate way in which I portrayed my character.
- The 'Way to Spill all over the Counter' Award: In honor of my over-excited gesticulation (as a result of method acting) knocking my drink over backstage
- The 'Caitlin Chan Loves You' Award: In honor of Caitlin Chan being an awesome friend.
- The 'Way to be a Nerd' Award: Not all awards were honors, to be fair.
- The 'You Spell your Name with an 'E' you Loser' Award: Kids can be so cruel
- The 'WOAH! Ass Ahoy!' Award: I have a big butt, true, but I don't think its so large as to be award-worthy...
- The 'How did YOU get a girl like HER?!' Award: Girls who are far nicer, funnier, and prettier than I am keep inexplicably dating me, and the high school girlfriend this refers to was no exception. Perhaps its my aforementioned prize-winning posterior?
- The 'Way to Want a lot of Awards' Award: I may have been slightly over-vocal about my desire for many accolades after catching a glimpse of award #7. After all, if you can't get quality, sometimes quantity has to suffice!
- The 'Austen Shut Up' Award: Slightly over-vocal may have been understatement...
- The 'I Don't Have Enough Awards' Award [Self-Awarded]: Extreme understatement...
