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NOTE: This post was re-blogged by the Australian Libertarian Society and Menzies House, published in The Gold Standard,
and published in abridged form in Liberty 2015.
Congratulations
on obtaining your new country! Whether you were elected by a majority
of citizens who could be bothered to vote, appointed by the previous
(and outgoing) party elite, or you have just staged a military coup,
be assured that you have not only the power
to rule – but the right
to do so! The people – your
people – have implicitly agreed to a social contract listing you as
the ultimate authority, so be confident in your reign!
However, ruling a country is a difficult task; radical, anti-social,
elements will always exist at the edge of society seeking to
criticise or even undermine your administration. Its important not to
pay any attention to what they have to say, since self-doubt is the
most poisonous affliction for any sovereign. After all, if they know
so much, why are you the one sitting in the driver's seat while they
clamour for attention at the back of the bus?
This
guide will teach you how best to quash these dangerous dissidents, so
that you can more easily realise your utopian vision for the nation –
your
nation. The techniques here are presented in an order that our
experts think will be the simplest for a first time ruler, but feel
free to improvise! Jump around a bit as circumstance demands, or just
to watch those fringe elements squirm. Even someone as dedicated to
advancing the greater good as you deserves to enjoy themselves every
now and then.
Remember,
the most important thing while you build the great society – your
society – is to have fun!
Step
1 – Disarm the Dissidents
An armed population is an unruly population! Just like a de-clawed
animal makes the best pet, defenceless people are the easiest to
domesticate. Obviously, you'll have to take away their guns – but
don't be afraid to go further! Knives, axes, scissors and knitting
needles – all can be used against you or your agents.
Start by outlawing dangerous weapons in public places, and when this
proves an ineffective deterrent to criminals you can push for more
regulation and registration. Ideally you will end up with a list of
every legal gun-owner. Don't worry about the illegal owners, they
will always be around and are such a small minority that they don't
pose a threat to your regime.
Timing is everything when you are finally ready to start taking
weapons away – statistical evidence and rational argument will not
be on your side, so wait for a tragedy before you make your move!
Declining crime rates are no match for a pile of bodies – so stand
atop it with pride while you paint your opponents as heartless.
PROTIP: While you gradually reduce the power of people to
defend themselves, take the opportunity to more heavily arm your own
forces in the name of “public safety.” Every local police force
should have assault weapons, and at least one tank, if possible!
(Armed drones are also a great idea – see Step 5)
Step
2 – Seize the Schools
Children are the future – your future. A young mind is
fertile soil for growing the followers of tomorrow, and as any good
farmer will tell you – if you want a good crop come harvest,
nationalise education!
Its no secret that all children have the same needs and
capabilities, and that's why a national curriculum is so important to
your success! Of course, funding schools can be difficult with all
the other great projects you will be working on – so don't be
afraid to cut programs that won't serve your goals. Art, economics,
mathematics and science are all fat to be discarded if necessary; but
never, ever get rid of history. The social studies classroom is your
arena! Its a sad, outdated notion that history is an objective study
of the past. Those of us in the know are aware that its actually a
perfect medium for selling ideology to impressionable youth.
PROTIP: Remember to tack these three magical words onto every
educational edict you issue “...for our children.” No one can
argue with that – it would mean that they were anti-children.
Its just logic.
Step
3 – Bolster the Bureaucracy
Depending on your predecessors – your rightfully unlimited power
may be unfairly constrained by silly things like constitutional law
or other branches of government. But modern science has given us a
fantastic tool to overcome such hurdles – the bureaucrat!
A simple rule of thumb: if you can't legislate it, regulate it! Is
an impasse among underlings getting you down? Create an entirely new
agency to bypass the whole process! Between the Department of This
and the Agency of That (not to mention the Board of the Other), there
will be dozens, if not hundreds of different subordinates who you can
instruct to pass any given order.
PROTIP:
People love wars and they provide a great opportunity to expand the
scope of state power! But sometimes a war on a neighbouring country
is impractical – which is why its such a good idea to declare war
on more nebulous, abstract foes: “War on Poverty,” “War on
Drugs,” “War on Terror,” “War on Obesity,” “War on
Badwrongness” – be creative!
Step
4 – Neuter the Newspapers
[CENSORED]
(Ed. Note: Good job!
You are catching on!)
PROTIP:
A great way to get started on this is to establish an 'independent'
agency to monitor the press – it can all be done in the name of
“creating and maintaining a balanced and free media.” We couldn't
have any private
parties injecting their agenda into the news.
Step
5 – Surveil the Citizenry
Its no coincidence that The Police sang “Every Breath You Take,”
because they'll most certainly be watching you (or rather, your
subjects)! By now you might have upset some of the coarser plebeians,
and the first step to removing a cancer on society is detecting it.
Thanks to the marvels of technology, its easier than ever to keep
track of the average Jane or Joe Citizen. Who will complain about
wanting “a chicken in every pot” when you give them “a camera
on every street corner?” No one – at least not for long!
Don't forget to keep up with all the new-fangled gadgetry either –
phone-tapping, internet data retention, microwave scanning, mandatory
blood and saliva testing; the possibilities are just endless. The
best part is, it can all be done in the name of “national
security!”
PROTIP:
Before you take the reigns, be as vocal as possible in your
opposition
to a surveillance state – then your supporters will take for
granted that anything you do must
be necessary, since you oppose it so strongly on principle!
Step
6 – Jilt the Judiciary
To paraphrase the great thinker and statesman, Benjamin Franklin
“People... deserve neither liberty nor safety.” Truer words have
never been spoken! You've accomplished a lot so far, and its OK to
congratulate yourself for a job well done. In fact, why not declare a
national day of celebration in your honour? We'll still be here when
you come back, champ!
We bet that was fun! The hard work is almost done – if you haven't
already all you need to do is to start enforcing your laws as
arbitrarily as you create them. The notion that everyone has to
follow the same rules is a ludicrous relic and has no place in an
advanced society.
Besides,
if you've completed Step 3 odds are everybody is guilty of something.
You may as well pass sentence now and define a charge later. In fact,
you can probably just drop the pretence of charging people with
crimes altogether. You are
the state and if you say someone's guilty, that's the way it is!
PROTIP:
Setting and expanding precedent is key here! If you can get away with
something once, you've proven that its always acceptable. Use a
missile strike on foreigners yesterday to justify an assassination of
one of your own citizens tomorrow. Dream big!
Step
7 – Profit!
Congratulations
on completing the guide! You should now be in a great position to
enforce your policy whims, whatever they might be! Soon your
world-view will come to its full fruition. You may be interested in
our companion work – How to Cope with Societal Collapse:
A Statist's Guide. Until then –
all hail the glorious leader!
