SUSPENDED by DHS

This blog has been officially shut down by the United States Department of Homeland Security, and its owner, one Austen Mendel Erickson (hereafter known as the perpetrator) taken into custody.

The perpetrator is accused of sedition, subversion of accepted political norms, incitement of discontent against the Lawful Government of the United States and its Agents, and acting in a self-interested and independent manner contrary to the collective good (as legislated by the United States Congress).

Furthermore, the perpetrator has been heard to disparage numerous Government Officials of Unimpeachable Character, mock Legislation of Impeccable Insight, and also make jokes at the expense of the State in Extremely Poor Taste (as outlined in Executive Order 10-289).

No official charges are being made against the perpetrator at this time, who will be held indefinitely under humane conditions (as defined by Official Documentation of this department, and currently classified) in an undisclosed location.

This is the will of the State, made into Word, and thus Truth, on this day, April 1, 2012.

Department of Homeland Security: Preserving Our Freedoms, Protecting America

The Culinarian II: The Eatening

Editor's Note: This was a post I started writing over the summer of 2010 - I think its high time I put it up to both signify my hopefully imminent return to writing a blog that no-one reads and subject you again to my cooking. Please direct all complaints about the quality of my food here.

Welcome back to another thrilling installment of your favorite low-budget cooking show. The only thing lower than the price is the talent!


This time I'll be transforming these boring 'ol ingredients...


Into a family size serving of Satay Meatballs.

What you will need:
(1) Bag of frozen, pre-cooked meatballs (the pre-cooked part is very important or you will end up with Satay Meatballs Tartare)
(2) Satay Ramen Noodle Packages
(1) Bag of frozen vegetables
(N) Eggs (I really have no idea how many, pick your favorite integer below 5)
(1) Jar Peanut Butter (crunchy)

Prep:

1. Remove ingredients from storage location
2. Turn stove-top on
3. Enough preparation silliness... lets get cooking

Instructions

1. Begin making Ramen in the usual fashion (if you can't do this on your own, you should probably just order out always - the kitchen is not a safe place for you)
2. Thaw meatballs and veggies in microwave
3. Scramble eggs in saucepan
4. Add meatballs, veggies, peanut butter (to taste) and Ramen flavor packets to eggs, stir and heat until everything is about the same temperature (hot)
5. Combine Ramen with everything else
6. Eat

Join us next week for "Will I Actually Post Again Next Week?" (SPOILER: Probably Not)

Austen the Artist

First things first: Moved to Evanston and have settled into my typical man-cave routine of wearing nothing but a robe most of the day. Classes start in a few short (six days each - screw you Tuesday) weeks, so I'll soon be finding out how little of that number stuff I actually remember.

Now on to business! I have some more high school stuff from the archives.

If anyone hasn't seen it, I used to run a comic in the UR campus times called the Grimoire. The roots of the comic actually date back to a silly idea I came up with in High School. 'Deth Omelet' (featured in Grimoire XIV) was a band featuring the Grim Reaper (and in its early days, the Easter Bunny). Here is the original album cover for 'Corn on the Macabre' drawn circa 2005:
To keep canon continuity (which is oh-so important in the world of discontinued campus comics), I'm gonna say that this is a solo country album released by Deth Omelet after the unfortunate events in Grimoire XIV.

I also dug up a t-shirt design for my school's Science Olympiad team, which I recall was rejected immediately upon submission:


Finally, here is... something. I have no idea of the context but don't doubt that I had some incredible conclusion planned:

My money is on the pirate.

The 'Finally Blogging Again' Award

I am currently cleaning out my room in preparation of my move to Evanston in a few weeks where I will be attending Wizard Camp for a PhD in Awesome.

Mostly I am being forced to sort through piles of clothes I don't fit into and old cords and computer junk that my tech hoarder inclinations previously prevented me from throwing away (I found a ZIP drive which I am pretty sure no one used even when it was remotely cutting edge).

However, I did uncover a wonderful treasure trove in the form of a box of high school writing assignments and various other memorabilia. In the interest of promoting child literacy, I will be painstakingly retyping and uploading choice samples from this for your amusement whenever I can be bothered to.

Also in the box were the paper plate awards I received after my church production of Jekyll and Hyde (in which I played the Right Honorable Sir Archibald Proops - *SPOILERS* he gets murdered by David Hasselhoff). For those of you not familiar with this venerable thespian/sporting tradition, these are awards given typically by the older members of a group to the rest of the cast/team.

It is a very serious and solemn occasion, and as a graduating actor, I had the privilege of both attending the creation ceremony, and receiving the following accolades:

1. The 'X(' Award: In honor of my character's fate, tastefully displays a dead stick figure in a pool of blood.
2. The 'So Good in Your Scenes (Is it Method Acting)' Award: In honor of the convincingly effeminate way in which I portrayed my character.
3. The 'Way to Spill all over the Counter' Award: In honor of my over-excited gesticulation (as a result of method acting) knocking my drink over backstage
4. The 'Caitlin Chan Loves You' Award: In honor of Caitlin Chan being an awesome friend.
5. The 'Way to be a Nerd' Award: Not all awards were honors, to be fair.
6. The 'You Spell your Name with an 'E' you Loser' Award: Kids can be so cruel
7. The 'WOAH! Ass Ahoy!' Award: I have a big butt, true, but I don't think its so large as to be award-worthy...
8. The 'How did YOU get a girl like HER?!' Award: Girls who are far nicer, funnier, and prettier than I am keep inexplicably dating me, and the high school girlfriend this refers to was no exception. Perhaps its my aforementioned prize-winning posterior?
9. The 'Way to Want a lot of Awards' Award: I may have been slightly over-vocal about my desire for many accolades after catching a glimpse of award #7. After all, if you can't get quality, sometimes quantity has to suffice!
10. The 'Austen Shut Up' Award: Slightly over-vocal may have been understatement...
11. The 'I Don't Have Enough Awards' Award [Self-Awarded]: Extreme understatement...

And to you, my readers whose loyalty is only exceeded by your imaginary-ness, I present the '10000000th Reader of my Blog' Award.