The 'Finally Blogging Again' Award

I am currently cleaning out my room in preparation of my move to Evanston in a few weeks where I will be attending Wizard Camp for a PhD in Awesome.

Mostly I am being forced to sort through piles of clothes I don't fit into and old cords and computer junk that my tech hoarder inclinations previously prevented me from throwing away (I found a ZIP drive which I am pretty sure no one used even when it was remotely cutting edge).

However, I did uncover a wonderful treasure trove in the form of a box of high school writing assignments and various other memorabilia. In the interest of promoting child literacy, I will be painstakingly retyping and uploading choice samples from this for your amusement whenever I can be bothered to.

Also in the box were the paper plate awards I received after my church production of Jekyll and Hyde (in which I played the Right Honorable Sir Archibald Proops - *SPOILERS* he gets murdered by David Hasselhoff). For those of you not familiar with this venerable thespian/sporting tradition, these are awards given typically by the older members of a group to the rest of the cast/team.

It is a very serious and solemn occasion, and as a graduating actor, I had the privilege of both attending the creation ceremony, and receiving the following accolades:

1. The 'X(' Award: In honor of my character's fate, tastefully displays a dead stick figure in a pool of blood.
2. The 'So Good in Your Scenes (Is it Method Acting)' Award: In honor of the convincingly effeminate way in which I portrayed my character.
3. The 'Way to Spill all over the Counter' Award: In honor of my over-excited gesticulation (as a result of method acting) knocking my drink over backstage
4. The 'Caitlin Chan Loves You' Award: In honor of Caitlin Chan being an awesome friend.
5. The 'Way to be a Nerd' Award: Not all awards were honors, to be fair.
6. The 'You Spell your Name with an 'E' you Loser' Award: Kids can be so cruel
7. The 'WOAH! Ass Ahoy!' Award: I have a big butt, true, but I don't think its so large as to be award-worthy...
8. The 'How did YOU get a girl like HER?!' Award: Girls who are far nicer, funnier, and prettier than I am keep inexplicably dating me, and the high school girlfriend this refers to was no exception. Perhaps its my aforementioned prize-winning posterior?
9. The 'Way to Want a lot of Awards' Award: I may have been slightly over-vocal about my desire for many accolades after catching a glimpse of award #7. After all, if you can't get quality, sometimes quantity has to suffice!
10. The 'Austen Shut Up' Award: Slightly over-vocal may have been understatement...
11. The 'I Don't Have Enough Awards' Award [Self-Awarded]: Extreme understatement...

And to you, my readers whose loyalty is only exceeded by your imaginary-ness, I present the '10000000th Reader of my Blog' Award.

Shapes and Getting into Them

Well I have been at long last readmitted into the gym (its nice to be vindicated, but its impossible to regain the lost time from my ban). This means that its time to start a new workout plan.

Inspired by Zak Niazi's blog (though with a much less ambitious end goal), I will be posting occasional updates on my progress throughout the next 15 weeks (probably at least once a every month). Of course as with any great journey, and many mediocre ones, I must start at the beginning.

Weight: 87.5kg (193 lbs.) - I am going to be keeping track of my diet and exercise here, its a very helpful resource, and is free!
Multi-Stage Fitness Test Score: 6.5 (Target: 7.5) - This is a rough estimate, I will do the test properly next weekend.
Max-Rep Push-ups: 21 (Target: 15; Target II: 30)
Max-Rep Sit-ups: 36 (Target: 45)
Max-Rep Pull-ups: 6 (Target: 10)
2.4km Time/Weight: 19'/10lbs (Target: 11'30"/11kg (25 lbs.)) - OK so I got lost on my route, so this time may not be accurate at all. I feel pretty out of shape cardio-wise though so I'll count the terrible score. Lots of work to do here
15km Time/Weight: N/A (Target: 2h20'/28kg (60lbs.)) - Will complete next weekend
400m Swim: N/A (Target: 18') - The aquatic center has silly hours, and I missed them >_<

I could make a billion excuses why my preliminary results are so poor, but the truth is that I just have a lot of work to do! Glad I'm finally back at work :D

And, naturally, a cat.

Connecting the Dots II: This is Getting Silly

As far as I can tell this is the current Labyrinth of connections that I have just created, so posting here may create an interesting cascade effect:


My Facebook:

...links to my Blog

My Blog:
...posts to Facebook
...updates Twitter
(and contains links to all the others in this post and the last)

My Twitter:
...feeds into my Blog
...feeds into Facebook

My LinkedIn
...posts to Twitter
...links to Facebook
...links to Blog

Connecting the Dots

Well after a long period of internet inactivity, I'm officially now LinkedIn and Tweeting. I suppose this explosion of social networking is a symptom of my current quest of applying to graduate schools. I have been writing so much about myself over the past week that it only seemed logical that everyone else should have to endure an Austen-information deluge.

Though I suppose this has the potential to motivate me to begin posting again on a regular schedule, it very well may not. I already feel befuddled by the sheer number of posting options available, and could soon find myself blogging my resume or tweeting my blog or all manner of exciting mishaps.

Some quick life updates: Wait a minute, now I can tweet these! Take that, blog!

Last Night

You will have to forgive the cliche, but I truly cannot believe that three months has come and gone so quickly. I'm sitting out on the balcony for what will be the last time for at least a while, and though I have many, many thoughts, feelings, and memories swirling around in my mind, I would rather mark this occasion by thanking everyone who helped make this period of my life as enjoyable as it was. Also with a brief musical playlist.

1
2
3
4
5
6

Well folks, thanks for going on this journey with me. I am planning on continuing this blog in the future, as I have found writing many of the entries extremely satisfying. But even so, I feel like this marks a significant moment in my life for a number of reasons... so I think I will leave you all for now with a quote:

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt

...and, predictably, a cat.

30 Things...

...to do before I'm 30

OK, so here are the rules. Each item is something I haven't done before, and something that I believe is a realistically attainable goal. Also, I have tried for the most part to avoid things based largely on the opinions and actions of other people (e.g. writing a novel is something I can do on my own; writing a best-selling novel depends on other peoples opinions). Obviously there are a huge number of things that could go on here, but I picked the first ones that popped into my head.

The list is presented in no particular order, and some items I deemed a bit too personal to include on the public list (if you really want to know them, you can ask me and I'll consider sharing).

• -Omitted-
  
• -Omitted-
  
• Get a tattoo
• Write a novel
• Spend a week in the woods (or other wilderness type place)
• -Omitted-
  
• Get a PhD
• Cook my way through a cookbook
• Learn to play an instrument passably well
• Become proficient in a martial art
• Eat at a 5 star restaurant
• Read at least half of 'The Great Books'
• Visit every continent (still have to get to Africa and Antarctica)
• -Omitted-
  
• Give away or sell all my excess junk after graduation
• Save (in some form) at least $15,000 (AUS)
• Go on a date without regard to cost
• See a country music act live in concert
• Learn to ride something with 4 legs or less than 4 wheels (bikes don't count)
  
• Travel to Uluru
• Become fit enough to pass this.
• Put together a GOOD bag and BOAT.
• Swim naked in the Pacific Ocean
• Give blood
• Purchase some land
• Fly in a helicopter
• Have a research paper published
• -Omitted-
  
• Drive a car faster than 100 mph
• Grow and eat my own food

Go on and make your own list (post it in the comments, if you like/anyone still reads this)! Stay tuned in 9 years for a recap of this and 40 things I'll do before I'm 40.

21 years of Austen

Whenever I have a birthday, I get a little reflective*. So instead of taking the time to write an original blog post for my birthday, instead I'm going to just take you all on a magical journey over the past 21 years. Grab a beer and strap yourselves in ladies and gentleman, we're approaching 88mph, and where we're going... we don't need roads**.

July 17, 1989 - Year 0
Chart-Topping Song: If You Don't Know Me By Now - Simply Red
Honestly my birth will probably be what historians consider the most momentous event to occur on this day, so lets just leave it at that and move on.

July 17, 1990 - Year 1
Chart-Topping Song: Step By Step - New Kids on the Block
Several days earlier, 'Ghost' -the highest grossing movie of the year, was released. This no doubt precipitated my lifelong appreciation for the works of Patrick Swayze

July 17, 1991 - Year 2
Chart-Topping Song: Rush Rush - Paula Abdul
'Point Break' was released about this time. I think this says it all. Patrick Swayze had firmly made an impression upon my infant mind.

July 17, 1992 - Year 3
Chart-Topping Song: Jump - Kris Kross
Three awful, awful movies released in honor of my third birthday: 'Honey, I Blew up the Kid,' 'Man Trouble,' and 'A Stranger Among Us'

July 17, 1993 - Year 4
Chart-Topping Song: Weak - SMV
Just to recap, over these 4 years the world's population increased by 350 million! An interesting side note, if someone tells you these days that you are '1 in a million' there are almost 7000 people just like you.

July 17, 1994 - Year 5
Chart-Topping Song: I Swear - All-4-One
According to wikipedia, no significant events occurred between May 10 - August 12. So I guess its time for a VUVUZELA BREAK!!! BZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzz

July 17, 1995 - Year 6
Chart-Topping Song: Waterfalls - TLC
Boosted by optimism that I could make it 6 years in defiance of Natural Selection, the Nasdaq closes above 1000 (8000 too small for a really good link sadly) for the first time.

July 17, 1996 - Year 7
Chart-Topping Song: How Do U Want It - 2Pac (one of his few prehumous releases)
This entire month seemed to be full of depressing headlines, go look them up if you really want, or you could take a break and grab another beer! I did!

July 17, 1997 - Year 8
Chart-Topping Song: I'll be Missing You - A few people
The F.W. Woolworth Company Closed! After 117 years of Business! Tragedy!

July 17, 1998 - Year 9
Chart-Topping Song: The Boy is Mine - Brandy and Monica (relax ladies! there is enough of Austen to go around)
The last Russian Czar and his family were finally buried in the St. Catherine Chapel. Also, the Mask of Zorro was released! So that's exciting.

July 17, 1999 - Year 10
Chart-Topping Song: Bills, Bills, Bills - Destiny's Child
I couldn't tell you when (my memory for events in my own life inspired at least one film), but this was around the time when I moved to Australia. Also that whole Y2K thing was happening (because as any educated person could tell you, when you reset the clock on your microwave, your house explodes).

July 17, 2000 - Year 11
Chart-Topping Song: Everything You Want - Vertical Horizon (*cryptic smile*)
A few days later, the Pokemon movie would be released. I loved those little guys. Back when I was a kid we just had 151 Pokemon, and had to walk five miles to school, uphill both ways...

July 17, 2001 - Year 12
Chart-Topping Song: U Remind Me - Usher
Blowing the closure of the F.W. Woolworth company out of the water, this day saw the inauguration of the replica of the Altamira Caves!

July 17, 2002 - Year 13
Chart-Topping Song: Hot in Herre - Nelly
Yeah if you were ever a 13 year old boy, you would know that song really speaks volumes about your mentality. We'll leave it at that.

July 17, 2003 - Year 14
Chart-Topping Song: Crazy in Love - Beyonce
Everyone should take this opportunity to have another drink and take a minute to remember that most famous of harpsichordists, Rosalyn Tureck.

July 17, 2004 - Year 15
Chart-Topping Song: Burn - Usher
Nothing against Usher, but lets take this moment to take a look at the Country music songs that topped their respective charts on my birthdays.
1989: In a Letter to You - Eddy Raven
1990: The Dance - Garth Brooks
1991: Don't Rock the Jukebox - Alan Jackson
1992: I Saw the Light - Wynonna
1993: Chattahoochee - Alan Jackson
1994: Foolish Pride - Travis Tritt
1995: Sold (The Grundy County Auction Incident) - John Michael Montgomery
1996: No One Needs to Know - Shania Twain
1997: It's Your Love - Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
1998: The Shoes You're Wearing - Clint Black
1999: Amazed - Lonestar
2000: I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack
2001: I'm Already There - Lonestar
2002: I'm Gonna Miss Her (The Fishin' Song) - Brad Paisley
2003: Beer for My Horses - Toby Keith & Willie Nelson
This last song deserves some special attention, since it was actually the first country song I heard while flipping through my car radio, which got me interested in the whole genre which I now love. We'll include them from now on, to add some twang to our history.
Country Chart-Topping Song: Live Like You were Dying - Tim McGraw

July 17, 2005 - Year 16
Chart-Topping Song: We Belong Together - Mariah Carey
Country Chart-Topping Song: Fast Cars & Freedom - Rascal Flatts
While I was 16, I got fired from my first real job, rejected from 3 of the 4 Universities I applied to, and dumped by the first girl I really liked in a romantic way. But it wasn't all fun and games! I also graduated from high school a bit early -a choice that would have some really far-reaching and important consequences for me, all of them good. This year deserves another drink folks. I hope you are keeping up!

July 17, 2006 - Year 17
Chart-Topping Song: Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado
Country Chart-Topping Song: Summertime - Kenny Chesney
Joined Sigma Nu. Enough said.

July 17, 2007 - Year 18
Chart-Topping Song: Umbrella - Rihanna
Country Chart-Topping Song: Lucky Man - Montgomery Gentry
Had a great birthday party in Sydney Australia, one that I will be loosely recreating in a few hours. Also, 18 was the year when I declared my majors (Math, then Physics, then Environmental Science), decided to stop being fat and lazy, and move on to just lazy, and decided that sleep was a useless luxury that I could not afford (naps on the other hand...)

July 17, 2008 - Year 19
Chart-Topping Song: I Kissed a Girl - Katy Pery
Country Chart-Topping Song: Back When I Knew it All - Montgomery Gentry
I think I realized more about myself this year than all of the previous years combined. My political views started to evolve (catalyzed by my reading of Atlas Shrugged), I started learning how to lead, and how to work hard. Most notably, I fell in love for the first time. I think this is when I first started gaining a glimpse of the man I wanted to be, the image of which is still coming into focus for me.

July 17, 2009 - Year 20
Chart-Topping Song: I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
Country Chart-Topping Song: Then - Brad Paisley
If I learned what love felt like when I was 19, I learned what losing it felt like when I was 20. There was pain, from a number of sources and people, and not in small amounts. This may sound overly theatrical, but I was going through Hell. I kept on going. I hurt, more than I think I ever had, but I learned how to overcome it. I feel stronger now than I have ever been, by every definition of strength. But enough seriousness! New drink! Or Bacon!

July 17, 2010 - Year 21
Chart-Topping Song: California Gurls - Katy Pery (really? >_<)
Country Chart-Topping Song: Rain is a Good Thing - Luke Bryan
Well we made it safely back to the present. We had some tunes, some tears, some laughter, some cheers (see what I did there?). I can't wait to see what this year will bring, and thanks to all of you who have taken the ride with me so far -and God bless everyone who didn't quite make it this far.

-Austen

*Since I was born, the earth has traveled almost 12.6 billion miles around the sun. Source: Science!
**Or sobriety.

We interrupt this blog to offer our own completely useless comments

Hello all of Austen's friends and people who choose to read this blog simply because they are bored out of their mind. We were granted the wonderful honor of being guest bloggers this week. Some brief introductions, we are Kat and Jill and we decided about a month ago to take an impulse trip to visit Australia...why exactly? Who knows, but we did.

First off a huge thank you to our gracious host, Austen! I'm pretty sure he would like it if we used our blog post to talk about how wonderful he is, but really you all should already know about that.

Now, on to Sydney, which, by the way, is pretty much the BEST place on EARTH!
1) Koalas/animals in general
2) Shopping (specifically coats)
3) Botanical Gardens
4) Harbor view from the ferries
We've pretty much decided that we are going to live here forever.

I suppose we can talk a bit more about the first two items on our "favorites list." Today we adventured over to Darling Harbor (twice actually because someone* forgot the tickets) to visit Wildlife World. After surviving the terrors of the bug/HUGE spider section, we came to the cute, fuzzy section. Something to know, Koalas don't enjoy the rain, so it probably wasn't the grandest idea to go to the park on a rainy day. However there was a brief break in the rain where we got to go in and snuggle with the koalas. Okay, so maybe not snuggle, but we did get to touch them which was pretty damn neat...
-aside
Kat: Is neat the right word?
Jill: Awesomely amazing and fantastical.
Basically we want a pet koala now and are actively seeking ways to get one past customs.

Item #2, Shopping. No one in Sydney wears hoodies, sweatshirts, or the like. They all wear fitted coats. Naturally, since remember, we are going to live here one day, we needed to buy coats as well. Yesterday we decided to skip Plan A: walk, Plan B: Gardens and Museum, and jump to Plan C: Spend all the money we have in our wallets (and then some).

Finding shopping centers was surprisingly difficult. You must first find a random alleyway that leads to a random staircase or escalator, which will then lead to to a completely random and unexpected shopping center (which is pretty much always underground). You must then navigate through the underground corridors until you find a suitable store. Jill got lucky and found a coat in the first shop we stepped into, called Passion. It took me about 20 shops and 1 day to find mine.

Since you made it this far in our fairly pointless blog post we might as well tell you about our coats. Jill's knee length jacket is a vibrant shade of blue, so crisp it puts the clear waters off the coast of Australia to shame. It does however have a butt flap that is secured with a button. Clearly a necessity. I opted for a waist-length coat with asymmetric buttons and 3 quarter sleeves. I can't say its black color is anywhere near as fantastic as Jill's coat, but at least I don't have a butt flap.

We could probably go on for hours about how delightful it is here, but we aren't allowed to go to bed until this post is complete, so we'll have to cut it short. In short, Sydney is awesome, koalas are adorable, and a fitted coat is a must.

-Jill and Kat


*yes, that was me (Kat)

GUEST POST ALERT!

I would just like to apologize for missing last week's post, I blame it entirely on my two guests from America, Kat and Jill. They will sometime in the next few days be making a guest post, wherein I'm sure they will explain how sorry they are to have deprived you of me for a whole week!

I would like to direct your attention here. For no reason other than it makes me smile.

'A' is for Team

The first thing you need to do is find the most BAMF outfit you have, and put it on. Go ahead, I'll wait. OK now listen to this. Congratulations, you are now cleared to read this blog post. I'd lik
e to give kudos to Rebecca for making this possible. She generously donated her free ticket to 'La Premiere,' without which I probably would have done something productive with last Friday night, and that would have been truly tragic.

Instead of saving kittens, or fighting crime, or solving the international fiscal crisis, as I typically do on my nights off, I decided that I deserved some R&R, and took one of the most charming people I know out on a date:

Perhaps charming is the wrong word.

Despite the company, the whole experience was really pleasant. Now the free ticket included a free soda, and free popcorn, which was in and of itself quite fantastic. You get to sit in a balcony overlooking the common-folk (who are in considerably less comfortable conditions), in a chair of mildly ridiculous proportions. However, the real special touch to all of this is that they let you order food and, more importantly, wine to be delivered during the movie. The burger and chips were satisfying, but I have concluded that 1 bottle of red wine is precisely the correct amount required to make most nights out a supremely satisfying experience.

Also, they were showing a movie called 'The A-team' during all of this, and that was pretty good as well.

BONUS: Before and after shots of my self-administered haircut (points will be rewarded to anyone who can determine the correct temporal arrangement of the pictures)
.

The Culinarian I

Hey kids, welcome to the first installment of:
Where I use a minimal budget, and even less talent to cook food that many would describe as both 'easy to make' and 'edible'! More like incredible!

In today's episode, we're going to turn this:

Into this:
That's right, with a few simple steps, you too can turn a boring set of ingredients into a delicious Breakfast Melt. The total cost of the ingredients (not including condiments and other things of that nature) should not exceed $6 or $7. Remember, whenever possible, buy generic brand items.

What you will need:

• Salt, Pepper, spices to taste (I used garlic salt)
• Olive oil
• Tomato Sauce (or 'Ketchup' for those in the states)
• 3 Eggs
• 1 Can Baked Beans
• 1 Can Corned Beef
• 1 bag Frozen Steak Fries
• Cheese

What you need to do:

1. Microwave 2 large handfuls* of steak fries until mostly thawed (probably ~1:30); mash thoroughly
2. Add corned beef to mashed steak fries, microwave for 1:00 (you have now created 'corned beef hash')
3. Add olive oil to pan, turn stove on to some appropriate egg cooking temperature
4. Add corned beef hash to pan, once you hear crackling, add eggs**
5. Mix thoroughly, keep turning over to allow eggs to cook well
6. Concurrently, microwave baked beans for about 2 min. add half to bottom of deep dish, cover liberally with tomato sauce
7. Once eggs are cooked into corned beef hash, layer this on top of the baked beans in the deep dish with another helping of tomato sauce on top. Keep making alternating layers until the dish is full
8. Add cheese to top, microwave whole thing until cheese is melted and dish is hot throughout (~1 min. should do it)
9. For attractive serving, carefully moderate portion from deep dish, and serve with something healthy (vegetables probably)
10. For fun serving, overturn dish onto plate, dig in right away (see above)

If you have a cheap, easy recipe you want me to attempt cooking, let me know! Who knows when The Culinarian will strike again...

*I don't cook with standard units of measurements. Neither should you!
**I recommend cracking the eggshells and using the interior liquid portion of the egg only, but that's just my personal preference

Melbourne: City of Quality

Melbourne was quite an experience, to say the least. Both for the city itself and the personal events that occurred there. I won't mention anything about the latter except as they pertain to my mindset as I explored the former. Suffice to say that I was not in a stellar mood following the first evening, but despite that I really did enjoy Melbourne itself and getting to hang out with everyone I met/knew there.

I spent the first night at La Trobe University for a 'scribble party' from which I learned two important things:

1. The quality of on-campus parties is one of the few areas where the USA has Australia beat.
   
2. Four Jager bombs and a pitcher of beer may be a good way to start a night, but are not the wisest way to conclude one.

My next day was considerably less eventful, as I didn't feel all that well and ended up sleeping a bunch, but I still managed to climb a few rock-walls despite myself. The next day I spent basically just walking around Melbourne with Eileen, who deserves a special shout out for hosting me for a few nights, and introducing me to a bunch of her friends. She showed me a lot of places, but what sticks out is the Shrine of Remembrance, which was truly stunning. I think standing on top of that building in the rain, looking out over the whole city, filled me with such tranquility and peace that it ended up being the emotional high point of the entire trip*.

The last day I walked around solo, and spent a lot of time in the art gallery. I also visited St. Francis (stayed for a bit of the evening mass, and let me say that sermons delivered in an Australian accent are more humorous than they ought to be). Soon I found my way into a English-style** bar next to an old (now indoor) shot-tower. Some drinks and a lot of cash later I had made friends with a few bartenders and a number of locals, who decided at some point that I was ready to go to the airport, where I slept until my 7AM flight.

I wouldn't feel right without mentioning the main thing that distinguishes Melbourne as a city; that unique touch that sets it apart as a cultural powerhouse. The 7-11. There are multiple locations where you can stand outside of a 7-11... and see another 7-11. Incredible.

*I get this feeling generally from any solemn building, be it a war memorial or some sort of religious construction -in this case though I think it was the contrast to how I had been feeling that made it so spectacular.
**A pint is the correct volume for beer consumption, in case you didn't know

Random Stuff

I figured I should mention now that I'm settling into a rather packed schedule that I plan on updating this once weekly, probably on Sunday. I'll be out of town visiting Melbourne this weekend, so the next full post will be Monday or Tuesday. However, to amuse you in the short term, here is a list of random things I've seen since arriving in Sydney:

• A man standing in the middle of the road wearing a shabby old suit and holding the helm of a small ship. This was quite far from any major body of water.
• About a dozen people in Green Man Suits dancing around Martin Place, each one lettered 'W,' 'n,' 'e,' 'g,' 'i' or 'r.' I can only imagine that they were attempting to say 'Erg Win' -Hooray rowing!
• Two full grown adults beating one another with pool noodles on street corner near a shopping mall. They seemed to be genuinely upset with one another.
• An extreme closeup of a magpie as it slapped me in the face with its wing in a flyby attack, after which it perched on a fence and started yelling at me.
• A fifty-year-old man trying to hit on a Uni student on the bus by talking about power rangers; specifically how his 'favorite' was the silver ranger because he was "you know, not like... an earthling."

Next up: Why Sydney > Melbourne!